By LadyWhiz

She is gone for now, and I can't sleep, sitting in front of my beloved fireplace. The album of memories is frayed and tattered at the edges, from my frantic searching. I don't want to look for anymore, so I doze, taking my mind's eye to the edge of the lake, where I once saw her waiting for me, where I experienced her at her most vunerable. I did not acknowledge her then, too wrapped up in my own pain and anguish at the time, but if I had, this is where I would have taken her, this tiny, single, insignificant flower on the cliffside.

As I glance up, the pain of my heart casting a mist about me, I see her, across the lake, staring into the water, searching, wishing, and dreaming of better times to come. Disgusted, I turn away, always something to dream for, always something else with rainbows and sparkles with her. I have never felt this black rotting cancer inside of me before, and it takes over my feelings of comraderie, of companionship. Standing, I drop my eyes, unwilling still to allow her to see the darkest side of me, and I turn away, knowing she has caught the movement of my robes in the mist. She rises also, and seems to float her way around the lake, my bones working against me, holding me, as time flowed around me like molasses.

She reaches me, and speaks nothing, not reaching out to me as always, and a pain in my soul stabs me for this. Always the hand has reached out, and I have been unaware of how much I counted on it, until it is withheld from me. I do not look up, and continue to force my weary mind to move away, keeping pace with my heavy heart. She stays in syncronized rythm with me, looking away as well. We walk on, silent, heavy footsteps across this golden meadow, and she moves closer to me, forcing me off the path, gently manipulating me towards the opening of the forest. I am aware of her actions, and resent it, being forced once more to move against the tide, and to walk against the wind. She knows, and keeps her head down, unwilling still to see the anger and frustration in my eyes, but refusing to allow me passage to the deep troubled waters of sleep.

We reach the forest, after endless moments of battling wills, and I let her win, moving towards the overgrowth that has taken over the entrance. Our owl hoots a surprised greeting, my ears heard the warning to the creatures deep within. She smiles at him, gentle, and the ray of warmth touches his golden brown feathers, making him turn to follow her flowing robes through the brush. Wild rose bushes grab at her, their petals lost in the darkness that has lain here for so long, leaving only the painful thorns to take what they can. She moves effortlessly, allowing them to close behind us, leaving me no escape, no way to turn back. I would not leave her now, this place is so full of frightening things, things that were once fables and fairy tales, now trolls and monsters of the darkened paths of my mind. Unable to concentrate on anything but the forward motion of our feet, I allow her guidance, missing the shadows of creatures diving for cover with the unexpected intrusion.

We reach the place of new life, the birthplace of the fawns, and of my beloved Nexxus, now filled with rotting vegetation, and smelling of the deaths I have caused. She waves her hand, and a smile touches her lips, for this is her challenge, to bring life back to this place, to make it safe once more for the doe to return with her heavy burden of spring. She looks skyward, the smile reaching to the tops of the trees, grown vicious and blocking the light, while I had let my mind destroy the sunshine that filtered here. I raised my head as well, to see the magic of the Sorceress fail, smug and sure in the failure that would follow. It seems to me, as I watch, that the branches soften a little, the leaves moving ever so slightly in the spring breeze, and I am not sure if it is my imagination, or actually the massive maples and oaks that are allowing touches of light to sift down. Shaking my head, I sink to the ground, foolish thoughts of magic and rays of light lost again in this dark heart. Glimpsing a movement at my feet, I peer closer, and see the tiny creatures that have never left this place, the insects of the ground.

They are hard at work, moving their world bit by microscopic bit, not making any changes with each effort, but the changes are there, seen as a whole. The ants clean up the vegetation, the death and dying are clutched in their jaws, as they move mountains with the sheer numbers of them. I lean closer, fascinated now, paying no further attention to the Sorceress, who in turn pays me no mind, as she turns slowly to each problem she encounters. Her problems are no longer a concern to this blackened spirit of mine, and I lose myself in the efforts of the tiny, to make way for those that follow. The ants flow around me, stopping to investigate and analyze the monumental shape blocking their progress.

My eyes select one, a mighty fellow, strong and vigirous, a warrior no doubt, and I seek out his form, in the mist covering my sight. He is copper, and has mightier jaws than those that follow him, he selects a twig, and fastens his weapons around it, pausing, twisting this way and that, seeking the place to lay this obstruction, so it will no longer hinder their way. He moves it a few inches from the flow of his brothers, and returns to the line, once again taking up a leaf, and moving it to the side. His progress is magnificent, he can lift and hold items much heavier than himself, and once he moves a pepper grain size pebble, it's mass dwarfing him, bringing his back feet off the ground as he struggles to lift it. I am unaware of a smile that has touched my face, as I watch this battle, and he sets it back down, moving this way and that, inspecting the pebble for weaknesses, and stronger holding points. He moves to the center of the pebble, and again takes it up, this time balancing it's weight even between his jaws, and begins to back off of the traveling line, dragging the ends of it as he braces his feet for each step. He moves slowly, feeling for each foothold, and releases the pebble when it no longer requires precious energy to walk around. I watch him as he returns to the line, stopping each brother in turn, telling them what he has done, and taking their secrets and instructions for the next movement, the next warning of danger. They come together, antenna waving about, front legs touching each other, and peering closer still, I see a small ant drop a crystal bit of honey in the jaws of the mightier one. He is twice the size of this infant brother, and could crush him in half with a thrust and a twist, but instead he takes the drink carefully, holding the toddler still while he cleans the last bit of sustance from the tiny one's jaws. I have to laugh out loud, when the mighty soldier brushes the little one with his feelers, seeing the dwarf duck and scuttle when the massive jaws touch him. The soldier returns to his work, and the worker begins the journey back to the mound, to tell the queen of the mighty one he has encountered, and sustained.

My laughter startles me out of this private place, and I raise my head, surprised at the warmth touching my back. Unnoticed, lost in the world of nature that I love so much, the Sorceress had stopped her work as well, and had leaned forward with me, her hand placed so gently on my back that I had not felt it until now. I am ashamed, for she has moved the boulders while I was watching the ants, and had allowed the sun to reach it's fingers into the forest, putting the darkness to bed. I looked around us in surprise, seeing the buds on the trees for the first time, hearing the quiet chirps of the birds that returned to their homes. Sadness touched my heart, clearing the hatred and anger that had frozen it for so long, and I smiled a pensive smile at her, uncomfortable still with the remants of what I had felt.

She looked away, a noise in the brush calling her attention. I followed her gaze, and felt more than saw the panther's shadow, carrying off a carcass of one that I had allowed to die here. She spoke to my mind, telling me the death of one so fragile would allow life to begin anew, and would give strength to the kittens of this stalking nightmare. She told me of the ring of life and death, pointing a slender finger to the marching line of ants that had held me spellbound, and then encompassing the forest with a wave of her robes, drawing the circle closer for me to see. My eyes cleared, and I watched the doe, carefully making her way back to the glen, ready to infuse it with new life, ready to lay her burden on the soft grasses. She showed me where they had been trapped, waiting for the ants to release them from the weight of the pebbles and twigs, one mighty soldier at a time. I marveled in the transformation of our beloved forest, thinking it never possible, with only the two of us, to bring it back to its magnificent glory.

How I learned a lesson that day, how she taught me to look down, and see the efforts made by one, benefit the whole of the individual. I caught her hand, warm, strong, and gentle, and we began to follow the easy path back to the meadow, leading now, feeling the strength flow back into my spirit, ready to face the coming onslaught of fears and pain. As we passed beneath our owl, he hooted a farewell, turning his head, searching for the unicorns we had left behind.

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